slinking back in, tail between my legs.

so this little blog baby has been neglected for some time, no? apologies all around, but i've been cuh-razy busy this summer, including:

- a get-away to montauk, where we got ENGAGED (!)
(thumbs up for weddings!)

- visits nearly every weekend from family and friends
(eating our way around the city with guests--this was at co)

- major work events (including a promotion and the departure of two of my coworkers)
(the goodbyes are killing me!)

- some wedding planning
(didn't pick this one. duh.)

- trips out of town (upstate new york, d.c.)
(miss you, spitfire lake.)

consider this my (maybe) comeback.

modern art like whoa

my parents were in town this past weekend for work (my mom for a conference, my dad for a meeting) and to hang out with me. we had a great time (enough for multiple entries, lucky you), and spent much of the weekend in museums.

i like to say that i was raised in museums. my father worked at the virgina museum when i was born, and they used to sell a post card of our little family: mama, papa and baby me looking at artwork. my parents taught me to look at art with a critical eye, to appreciate the beauty and power of a work, to consider the context of time and tastes, to form my own opinions of what is worthwhile. going to MOMA with my father is different than going with anyone else; he has a love, a reverence for the works of modern masters that is inspiring. he will pause to consider a piece for minutes at a time, letting the colors and forms move through him, sharing his new perspectives. i don't race through the galleries, but i think i often move too fast to experience the pieces in the way that he does. it was so much fun to explore the MOMA's permanent collection with him, to take each piece at a time and truly consider it fully.

on sunday we savored the fair weather (come back, sunshine!) as we walked up to the whitney. i am embarrassed to admit that we hadn't yet been to the whitney, especially considering it is on the us map (not for lack of trying! when we went last summer it was packed, with a line down the block and then some.) somehow i missed the eggleston and calder shows, which i regret completely. but i am glad that we were able to go this weekend. the whitney is sort of a bite-size museum, enough to fill a few hours, but not so large that you miss out on anything if you've got less than a day. (or a week--i'm looking at you, met museum.) we started from the top and worked our way down, first through the permanent collection which is heavy on the edward hopper, though still enjoyable--i do love me some claes oldenburg. their two major exhibits were "synthetic", which explored both synthetic materials and subject matter, and "site", devoted to the impact of place and process on works of art. there was an excellent video installation called "electric earth" in the site-specific exhibit which tracked a protagonist in-tune with the world and its sounds as he moved (and danced) through a desolate urban landscape. the artist had arranged multiple video screens through the space, so that the viewer progressed with the character through the world, always able to hear (and often able to see) what had come before and what was yet to come. we spent the most time in that installation, overwhelmed with images and sounds.

they were finishing the new jenny holzer exhibit, and i hope to make it back to see her installation. "protect protect" runs march 12 through may 31, and is billed as her most comprehensive exhibit in 15 years. as a fan of both art and words, i am always interested in jenny holzer's works, for their cryptic, insightful quality and modern-age presentation. i think the whitney is definitely worth a visit, and i hope to get back soon.

back in the bk

i know it's been a whole week since i blogged, but for good reason. i got home yesterday from a family vacation in maine. (my grandparents owned a cabin there for many years, and my mother often waxes poetic about summers spent canoe-ing across the pond, walking into town to the pine tree frosty, and playing softball on their lawns.) we stayed in a beautiful lodge right on the waters edge, and spent our days reading, hiking, canoe-ing, and walking into town to the pine tree frosty. (seriously, so good.)

being in maine brought up a lot of feelings i have about where i have chosen to live. i grew up in oregon, and i loved it while i lived there, and there are things i miss. i miss the cool smell of pine forests, the blue of the sky on a clear day, the sound of the windchime on our front porch. it was a grand and beautiful place to grow up; as a child i felt safe, loved and encouraged by my parents and my community, and i feel that it helped make me open-hearted and excited about the world. but it is not a place i could ever return to. my heart truly belongs to this city we live in, and despite its dirt and grime, i love it in an often irrational way. being out of new york made me realize what a new yorker i have become. (s laughed at me when i was trying to explain this and said "and the bagels weren't bagels!") i feel tied to this city, i feel connected to it in a way i never felt about oregon (or it wouldn't have been so easy to leave.) i am the only person i know who left without hesitation, who moved on to such a tremendously different life. most of the people i went to school with are still in our little hometown, married with children and working local jobs. (a lot of the people i went to college with are still in the midwest, married or engaged and pursuing their dreams out there.) my choices have always felt different, and often difficult, in part because i have always chosen another path. not necessarily in a rebellious way, or in a particularly alternative way, but i guess i have felt that i could see the traditional option, or an option that felt safe, and i have chosen instead something that excited me (even as it scared me a little.) i am living a life i have fought for, a life that requires effort, and thus brings me a lot of happiness and satisfaction.

the other day, we were on the train and i looked up and saw the following quotation, which i have meant to share for awhile, and that i think sums up what i am trying to say (i am quite sick, so my powers of explanation are not at their best.)

there are roughly three new yorks. there is, first, the new york of the man or woman who was born there, who takes the city for granted and accepts its size, its turbulence as natural and inevitable. second, there is the new york of the commuter--the city that is devoured by locusts each day and spat out each night. third, there is the new york of the person who was born somewhere else and came to new york in quest of something...commuters give the city its tidal restlessness, natives give it solidity and continuity, but the settlers give it passion.

--e.b. white, here is new york

guest post: magical-detroit

not really. detroit was a little gross. a little too deserted for my tastes. (as my dear zp said, he lives in bushwick, and there were parts of detroit that made him nervous.) but we were there for a wedding of two of my dearest friends, not to take in the sights of the motor city.

i always wanted an older brother, but i wanted him to be funny and smart and really nice to me and sort-of goofy and date someone really cool that i could look up to. that's how i feel about alex and katy, like they are my friends, but also like they are a part of my family. (i cried when he told me they got engaged. from happiness. that is how much i like them. and weddings.) so for them, i would go to detroit. zp, s and i flew out friday afternoon, escaping nyc's sudden torrential rainstorm on friday, and were picked up by alex and joe ro. we ate lasagna at alex's parents' house in grosse point and played pool and darts in the basement (i felt about as far from new york as possible) and then went to our hotel. the renaissance center (or "ren cen" as the locals call it) is three towers of hotel, gm office buildings (which explained the cars parked in the motor lobby), and restaurants, shops, bars and weird mall-like space where a country festival took place our first night. we caught up over drinks in the bar and then spent the rest of the evening filming lip dubs on the various hotel floors. (never done a lip dub? they're too much fun, especially with the boys you did improv comedy with for three years in college.)

saturday was the wedding, and we got up and ready and headed to the whitney, a well-restored old mansion. alex and katy got married on a landing in front of a gorgeous stained glass window with traditional vows and then some words they had written themselves. i cried, of course, as s squeezed my hand. then we had brunch in a warm, sun-filled former parlor, and laughed as their parents and friends toasted them in the main room. (and ok, i got a little teary again.) they cut the cake (seriously, so delicious) and took pictures, and we hung out with alex's little brother, a detroit artist. then it was back to the hotel for naps before we went to the russell industrial center, a space that has been converted into beautiful, light, enormous artist studios. (i said to zp, "this is what new york used to be like," except the stairwells smelled better.) there were some great things and some ok things, but i love wandering through studios or gallery spaces looking at new work. it was a great way to spend some time before we headed to the majestic for the afterparty, with bowling and karaoke and pizza and beer. i am not the best bowler, nor am i a stellar karaoke-r, but i have a lot of fun doing both, especially after pizza and beer, and double-especially with those boys i love so much. we hung out until late, and headed home to the ren cen for more drinks, food and goofiness before everyone passed out at four am. i was nervous about missing the flight, so i stayed up to pack and check their breathing, and slept very little.

sunday was quiet, and we napped in the cab to the airport. zp, s and i boarded our tiny plane in the rain back to nyc, and joe ro headed home to la. we spent the afternoon lazing, tired from the trip. it was one of the best trips i have taken in a long time. i am pretty good at fooling myself, distracting me with new places or people or shiny things, but then it hits so hard: i miss my friends a lot. zp, joe ro, alex and i saw each other at least three times a week for three years in college (we were in an improv troup together), more than i saw my family. they were my family, and i miss them so much. it was so great to see them again, to laugh at the stupid things we've always laughed at, but also to revel in grown-up life together, to celebrate each others' successes, and to celebrate alex's marriage. i write about what makes me feel like an adult, but nothing has made me feel more grown-up than flying in to see one of my dear friends get married, to have a reunion with people i love and haven't seen in almost a year. it was a great weekend, and while i was glad to come home to new york, i was sad to leave their company. (though it should be noted: zp lives here in bk as well, and it is shameful that i see him as rarely as i do. we made a promise to see each other more often, and i plan to try to follow through.)

now i am back, and with good news to boot! we got the apartment we thought we didn't get! we sign our lease wednesday, and i am already majorly nesting, daydreaming about sleeper sofas and wall colors. seriously, i am overjoyed.

oh, and also: i added a new blog to the list: cellphone pix, zp's photoblog. (it is as it sounds.) i like it a lot, not the least because you can see a picture of me trying to quick-dry my feet at laguardia on friday after the rain.

goin' to carolina

dearest new york,

you did this on purpose, didn't you? the day i am all set to jet off to charleston, thinking "see ya, eskimo city", you get warm and beautiful, all blue skys and light breezes. feels like fifty-two degrees? where were you last week? and i bet you made sure s didn't have to work today, so that we could go run errands in the sunshine and coo at puppies in t-shirts and little babies in cowboy boots. it certainly was no accident that they made my bagel perfectly and that we had one last episode of project runway to watch (yes, i know, behind the times) so that i spent my saturday in perfection. i get it, new york. you're nervous, afraid i'm going to south carolina and will come back changed, in love, maybe a little more tan. (well, i can hope, right?)

but don't worry, my darling. you will always be my first love, my last love, (and dare i be too carrie bradshaw), one of my greatest loves. so let's make next week special; i haven't gone out in far too long. we'll go on a date on thursday, take in the sights and sounds of this bright-lights big city. i'll miss you, but i know this absence will make my heart grow fonder.

goodbye for now (only a few days!),
m