rain on city sidewalks

it rained today, i guess. (i don't have a great sense for weather, what with having to sit with my back to the offices with windows.) when i went outside the sidewalks were dark and wet, but it wasn't still raining. which i was disappointed about. i know i've blogged before about my love for city rain, so you know why i wished i hadn't missed the mist. (ha! such a good play on words, right? ok, ignore me.)

so anyway, i was walking to the train by myself (i worked late tonight) and someone in front of me was smoking a cigarette, and while i hate cigarettes (do not smoke, do not think anyone else should smoke) the combination of wet pavement and smoke took me back. my freshman year at nyu, i remember standing outside in the rain on broome st, pretending i knew how to smoke cigarettes with the hip kids who would stick out the remaining three years. that new york then, my new york then, had so much promise and excitement. i had left my sleepy oregon town for new! york! city!, the only person i knew to make such a move. i was proud of my bravery, glad i had made it more than a week (like i think some people thought i might not), pleased that i was standing on a street with girls who wore eyeliner and cursed like sailors and drank absinthe and would be friends with me. i was seventeen, or maybe eighteen by then, and totally idealistic about new york and my future, about making art and theatre and bringing about cultural change, and all of the other things i still think about but do not always have the energy to act on. my new york was huge and full of possibility. and my new york then was smaller, too, confined by classes and studio work and dorm rooms, it was safer and easier, it was an idyllic new york, but it is one i still cherish. i didn't "make it" then, i left (for myriad reasons), but i clung to my new york, knowing i wanted to come back, to try again with some experience under my belt. my new york made me something more, reminded me that there was a world beyond my little college towns, first in oregon and then in indiana. it made me push myself, not give up or stay put, made me leave the men who might've held me back. ("you could act in d.c.", the politician said to me, ignoring the fact that it was my new york i wanted back. of course when i was in d.c. this summer, he wouldn't even talk to me. i guess i hurt him more than i thought.) i think little towns are dangerous; life is easy, it is safe, it is clean, it is nice, it pulls you in and inertia keeps you there. but i always had new york to motivate me, to keep me going. i have always known i wanted to live here (and always known i would not live here forever, but that is its own post.) i have always known i could live here; let not my blog fool you, i am pretty damn tough when i need to be. i have always known that i should live here, that i need a city that keeps me on my toes, that intimidates me and teaches me, helps me grow as a person, never lets me give in to the temptation to settle. and so my new york, i am here again, i am more ready that i was six years ago, i am anxious and excited to keep experiencing whatever i can. and i was reminded of all this from the mingled smell of wet pavement and cigarette smoke.

i told s i think about this blog a lot, that it makes me really happy to have this to work on, because it reminds me to look for the positives in my life and my experiences here (and encourages me to seek out new things, if only to have something to blog about.) and i have always loved to write, and think i am occasionally moved to greatness, and if nothing else this keeps me thinking. so thank you, blog, for being here.

and also, because i talk a lot about being boring (though i am NOT married), i found this hilarious and thought it was worth a share:
spring is a great time for zinfandel

a little local flavor

here i am with another update on the restaurant week front: delish. to the max. tonight i went out with mk (my bwf) and a (my owf) to mesa grill, which is a bobby flay take on southwest tex mex. i love a prix fixe dinner--i would never order an appetizer and an entree and a dessert, but tonight i got to try all sorts of deliciousness. mk and i started with a black bean soup that was not too thick but not too soupy, with different salsa toppings, a little spicy and a lot good. (a had a fry fread--i love! taquito which looked great.) my entree was a chile relleno stuffed with goat cheese and acorn squash with a roasted fig sauce. so good, although a little rich. mk had chicken and mashed potaotes (with a southwest twist) and a had some mango salsa'd fish with a risotto. dessert was the best sweet thing i have eaten in a long time: crunchy vanilla profiteroles. a puff pastry with vanilla bean ice cream and crunchy vanilla caramel and a spicy mexican chocolate sauce. ohmiGOSH so amazing. i would eat it again right now. it's a good thing we live so far away. dinner was made even better by the conversation. i really really like the girls i work with; they are truly fantastic women, funny and smart and really great. i just feel so lucky to have found friends in the workplace who i like so much outside of the workplace. we talked about work and men and books and theatre and the dentist, and it was just a lot of fun to have such a great evening.

now i am home, a little sleepy thanks to 1991's best margarita. but i do want to relay these two fantastic overheards.

friday night we went out for some tv-watching treats and the corner store opposite the local bar was open. after selecting ginger ale (and ok, some ice cream, it's my weakness) we were getting ready to pay when these brooklyn neighborhood guys came in, drunk and loud and having a good time. they were friendly with the guy behind the counter (mohammed called "mo") and were yelling at each other and at mo, especially "joey cheeseburgers" who loves, you guessed it, cheeseburgers. and who was really upset that they were all out of cheeseburgers. then this enormous guy in a coat with a fur collar came in, and they started shouting about the godfather, and that the godfather was here and "hey yuppies, don't be afraid of the godfather" (which sounded like "gawdfahthah".) though we were the only people in the store, it did not occur to me until stephen said later, that we were the godfather-fearing yuppies in question. what, i don't look like a girl from the neighborhood?

also overheard this weekend in windsor terrace (in my building, no less.)
guy: so this is my friend dave huspah (some last name that sounds like chutzpah), but we just call him chutzpah.
girl: what's chutzpah?
guy: you know, chutzpah. it's yiddish.
girl: oh, yiddish, is that like british but not really?
guy: seriously? (she doesn't say anything.) no, yiddish is the language spoken by eastern european jews (he gives a very intellectual explanation of yiddish and its origins, which i didn't catch all of.)
girl: oh, so you're jewish? welcome!
she then proceeds to tell a long story about a jewish friend who celebrated chanukah (which she pronounced like the chan in "change") and found a cracker and got $200 and "made out like a bandit". which then devolved in a story about make-out bandits (who are, i guess, those who will make out with anyone.) ah, the things overheard.

holy two posts-a-day, batman!

i just wanted to rave over aspen. totally delicious food (i liked my goat cheese and arugula salad, i loved my trout tacos, i preferred the pumpkin flan to my so-so cupcakes) and a really gorgeous, romantic interior. i especially like the stands of birch (real or fake? who knows) outside the windows. a must to go back to, for sure.

tonight: italian dinner (stuffed shells and caesar salad) and a movie. probably some laundry, too. we're back to our usual cool selves.

part of your world

i am so excited to have new readers and commenters; i take great joy in inspiring a love of this city in others.

so remember when i said we are like boring old people and never do anything? well not anymore, mister. yesterday s asked me if i wanted to go out that night and i said "yes, yes and yes!" (we do things all the time, i just needed a plan to look forward to, as i worked another ten hour day.) after work, taking the train down i said to mk "i am just so excited to see my boyfriend some place other than our apartment." after feeling like this week's refrain at work was "i am so sorry about ...", i was looking forward to the evening. (so much so that in preparation, i ratted my hair. like i was going out in 1987. whatever. my hair does not achieve volume of its own volition. also i put on a headband. i am not so wild.)

i took the v downtown to the LES. the actual lower east side, not the virtual lower east side (which i find totally hilarious and antithetical to what the LES actually is. whatever, mtv. keep reaching your youth demographics.) i met s, camp and ricardo love (another roommate, now making his blog debut, i believe) at rockwood, which has a teeny tiny bar and a larger room with a stage where live music played all evening. we did not leave the bar, however, as we went there to hang out with the bartender, a friend of my roommates. (can i just say, it is way more fun being friends with the bartender. she makes you amazing key lime pie martinis, and it barely costs you. excellent.) we sat around, drinking and talk and laughing for about three hours. and because new york is the biggest small town in the world, we ran into r. love's one true love on the street corner. i love when that happens; it makes you feel like new york is just the right size, big enough to get lost when you want to but no so big that you'll be lost forever. and then, since none of us had eaten dinner before going out (sorry, mom) we went and ate pizza. and just as last weekend i was free pizza pretty (i will tell that story sometime, i'm sure) this weekend i was free garlic knot pretty. such a score!

i sang and danced on the train home (to the chagrin of my dear s--sorry, sweets.) i didn't mean to make a fool of my self, but r. love was singing disney tunes, and how can a girl not join in on little mermaid songs? we made it home and cuddled our way to sleep, and now i am eating a brunch pb+j and getting ready to meet my owf for a restaurant week lunch at aspen. (i am link-crazy today, huh?) so, blog, what did you do last night?

much music

things i like to do:
sleep
shop
eat
take in some culture
things i got to do yesterday:
all of the above.

yesterday was wonderful. i had the day off (thank you, dr. king) and so s and i woke up in a sleepy tangle at the glorious hour of 11am. we met mk and my owf for lunch at dizzy's (the "finer diner") for delicious brunch ("but you didn't have brunch!" said s, when i said how much i like going to brunch this morning on the train. ah, but i like the idea of brunch.) no work, and yet we still found ourselves together and heading to the upper west side for a piano marathon at merkin concert hall. it was such a wonderful way to spend the afternoon. stephen flaherty (broadway/film composer) opened the performance with some of his own pieces and a fats waller tune, and then our boss played a rachmaninoff piece that was really fantastic: brash, emotional, beautiful (a virtuoso piece indeed.) it was incredible watching him play; i love observing people in their element, and in this case, piano truly is his passion, and you can absolutely see it. he looks more at home at the piano than the computer keyboard. he was followed by this wonderful jazz pianist, jonathan batiste, who played his own compositions and was really fantastic, stomping his feet and getting the crowd clapping along. i was completely impressed with him and his joy for the music; again i say i am utterly inspired when watching someone at their best. the hall was filling up so we left to watch "piece for 100 metronomes" (literally 100 metronomes get set off and you listen to them wind down to completion) and enjoy some champagne in the vip lounge. i should add "hanging out in the vip lounge" to the list of things i like to do.

post-piano we went shopping. there is a banana republic across the street from where we work and i tell you, it is hard not to shop everyday. i found a fantastic gold dress on sale sale sale. and then i bought a magazine holder, for my newly re-arranged room (and cleaned! i came home last night and s had completely reorganized our closet and i was so excited and in love i couldn't believe it!) and then i went home and ate an apple and listened to boyland's dating strategies. they refuse to listen to my opinion, even though i am a) a girl and b) in a relationship. but no, they're right, they probably do know better. then i did laundry (which despite being lazy about, is also on my list of favorite activities. so satisfying to have all my clothes clean and hangered or folded!) and then i went to bed. and yes i am now blogging at work, but it is my lunch break (though i have already had to answer four different questions.)

till next time.

one of those

i had one of those days yesterday where you go "this is my life?" and not in that "i can't believe it's not butter!" voice, but in that "i don't even have the energy to go to my child's soccer game" depression comercial voice. work was crazy yesterday. when i got hired they kept warning me about how busy it could get, and i had that classic-movie newly-enlisted-private attitude of "yeah, well down on the farm got pretty busy, too. how bad could vietnam be?" (please note: i am in no way comparing the work done by an arts non-profit to farmers, vietnam or anything else. i don't mean to offend art, farms or war.) it's just that yesterday, i was doing so many projects for other people that i didn't get my own work done, and the phone was ringing off the hook, and multiple people left after a half day and mk and i stayed late (making it a ten hour day, which is long on your friday night) and i just could not stop the typing and the calling and the answering, and you know how you get a little punchy after nine and a half hours of work and everything is funny, especially when you spill water down yourself (after you spilled salad dressing on your pants at lunch), and your boss leaves before you, asking "are you still here? was it busy today?" and then you get outside and it is slushing and you are wearing little flats that somehow let the water in but not out and you have to wring out your socks before you get on the subway, and i knew my s and my delicious stir-fry ingredients were waiting at home for me, and i had an hour on the trains ahead of me. it was one of those days.

which is why i particularly appreciated the little boy who got on and started talking to a, my other work friend (owf), and i. "i hate this train," he said in that sheepish little boy way. he had to take the a train all the way to 80th street, which is quite a trip from midtown. i would like to note that this kid was small. i am very short, and he maybe hit my chin, and had cute little kid freckles, and his voice was still awfully young, and so when we asked what he was coming home from and he said school and we asked which one and he said nyu, i was pretty shocked. i thought he was joking (i mean, i also thought he was like, twelve) so i asked what he was studying and he smiled into his shoulder again and said education. i was pretty sure this was a joke, so i asked when he would graduate and he said 2011 (which would in fact make him a freshman.) i said that made him much older than i thought he was, and he asked how old i thought he was. i hate that question--it just invites offense, because i am the worst ever judge of age. plus i myself know how it feels to have everyone think you are seventeen when you are in fact twenty-three, thank you. in retrospect, i should have started either much lower or much higher, to show i was joking, but i started at ten. i mean, he was tiny! he kept smiling his sheepish smile at me as i guessed every year until i hit sixteen. he turned sixteen a week ago, making him a fifteen year old college freshman. (which is not so weird; i went to nyu at seventeen.) he graduated early with special classes and credits, just to get out into the real world already. he wants to be an earth science teacher, which is adorable. he was adorable. and it really made my night, this little college student, talking to a and i because he had a long trip and just wanted to make a friend.

so when i got home, i was less cranky than i could have been. and i made a totally delicious stir-fry (i highly recommend the combination of ginger soy and sesame teriyaki sauces) and we had totally delicious drinks. our local bogeda sells lots of crazy drinks i have never seen anywhere else including sporanos--the tv show--soda and dry grape ginger ale, which is a refreshing beverage when mixed with gin and lime juice (a grown up gin rickey, i thought.) and we watched old episode of 30 rock and i was very happy by the time we piled into bed. so it was also one of those days, one of those days that ends with laughter and kisses and the kind of sleep that you know will end in sunshine not an alarm clock, and so when i woke up this morning, i was happy. so thank you, tiny college student. you saved the day. and it is those stories that make me feel like new york, even if it is sometimes just where i live and work and nothing else, new york where you encounter anyone and everyone, is a little bit magical.

come for the music, stay for the dancing

last night, s and camp (my roommate) and i went to see the mars volta in concert. i have to admit (and i sincerely apologize, mars volta fans from whom i stole the experience, as this was apparently a sold-out show), i was not particularly well-acquainted with their music. in fact, despite the fact that s worked on their album this summer, and by worked i mean helped out in the studio while they listened to tracks and got stoned (oh yeah, that's right, my boyfriend had to get pizza for omar and cedric), i had really not ever listened to their music. but i love going to concerts, especially of artists i don't know very well. i feel like it is a totally different way to get to know new music; better than downloading, you get an experience, a feeling, in addition to new songs. plus i love being a part of a crowd at a concert, excited to hear what will come next, always surprised, always pleased. so, the mars volta. they played at terminal 5, which is a very cool venue, kind of industrial, without feeling dirty or scary-hip. there was no opener, just some el mariachi-esque horns as they entered the stage in the dark. they pretty much never stopped playing either. it was a lot to take. we had stationed ourselves on the top level at the very front, with a bar to lean on and a perfect view of everything. the volta (which i guess i am cool enough to call them now) are probably the most energized band i have ever seen live. they never stop playing, never stop moving. that was by far my favorite part. and cedric is insane. i mean, probably totally insane. his dancing is best described as "child sex marionette". in that, like a child, he acted on every impulse, including climbing the amps and the bongo drums and the other performers, he crawled through omar's legs as he played guitar, he crashed the cymbals and threw his mic around. then he would do these overtly sexual hip thrusts and shimmies and weird belly-dancing come-hither arms. but mostly he just looked like a puppet being thrown across the stage, arms and legs jangling, stumbling and stopping and jerking and going. it was incredible. and he was so damn skinny, probably because he never stops moving. ever. the only time i didn't see him move was after he jumped off the amps and walked offstage, only to emerge moments later down in the front of the audience. (then he pulled the mic into the audience with him and sang from there.) it was incredible. also, he had enormous, poodle-y girl hair. omar looked like a robot on fire, jerking around the stage while playing guitar, stiff and full of bursts of energy.

i could have watched them for hours, but unfortunately we had to work this morning, the both of us. i think they played another hour after we left (s: "didn't they know we were gone?"), but i was sleepy and still fighting this cold-that-will-not-die. also, it was absurdly loud, to the detriment of the wall of noise they were trying to create. we caught the train home, cuddled in the corner. (i need this boy to get a day job, so we can have more nights out like this. i really like my boyfriend a lot, like a lot, and i hate that he works most nights. i am more selfish about time with him than anything else.) on the f train home, a man got on with a guitar and played a heartbreaking, quiet, simple, spanish-english version of a song i always loved singing back in my church-goin' days. it was such a peaceful end to the noisy night. at 10:55 pm, we just barely missed late night and the train let us out at our stop. we giggled the whole walk home, my s and i, arm in arm down the street.

a me weekend

since i have discovered that i have at least one reader who is not related to me/a dear friend/in love with me, i will try to be better at updation. (and the rest of you: feel free to pipe up at any time.)

i had a perfectly me new york weekend. if you haven't guessed by now, i am not fancy. we don't go out to the hottest clubs, and i never know about amazing restaurants, and i will probably never go to a premier of anything, try as i might to finagle my way into friendship with a famous person or something. to me, a weekend should be fun, and rejuvenating, and a good way to start a new week. (a weekstart, perhaps? how about it, gregorian calendar, are we due for a change in terminology?) it includes food and drink and laughter and good company. maybe a new sight or spot. so this weekend was just right.

friday my bwf (best work friend) mk and i decided to meet for lunch. she only lives a few blocks away, so we met in the middle at the adorable 12th street bar and grill. it was pouring rain and the lightning made me jump once or twice on the walk over, so we got a cozy little table in the bar area and i watched it rain outside as we ate our delicious food. (sidenote: i love rain in new york. it is one of my most favorite things in the whole world. i love the way it smells when it rains on city sidewalks, i love the swish of tires on rainy streets, i like the way it narrows your neighborhood to the locals venturing out on errands. i love the way it brings people together, crowded under awnings, exchanging those "i can't believe this" looks and smiles. s once downloaded 30 minutes of rain sounds to fall asleep to, and i thought he was totally crazy until i listened to it one night when i was home alone, and i had the best sleep. rain on the roof is the coziest. anyways.) mk and i talked for three hours, about work and careers and boys and friends. it was great; i feel really lucky to have found someone i like so much so quickly, and through this job that i have. it felt so grown up, having lunch and talking forever about work and life. am i too much in awe of being an adult? somehow i feel so lucky to be living this life that while not perfect, is really what i always planned for myself (job, relationship, new york city.) after we realized we had sat there for a little too long, we went and got our nails done. i got scarlett o'hara painted on my toes, and i haven't been able to stop looking at them. i feel like a whole different lady. friday night boyland watched "the departed" in hd. a movie night? i'm in heaven.

saturday brought terrace bagels and project runway and the promise of a day in the city. i wanted a little museum time, but by the time we got moving and into the city (and had completed our errands), it was a little late. we wandered around the village, getting hungrier and hungrier, until s suggested we go out to dinner. i should note that my boy's two favorite foods are bagels and pizza. we picked the right city. we also like to think of ourselves as pizza connoisseurs. (though he wil eat dominos in a pinch, which is pretty much sacrilege.) we picked john's pizzeria, a legendary brick-oven spot (i would link you but their website is temporarily disabled.) i have witnessed people standing outside in freezing temperatures just to get a table, and boy is it worth it. a thin crust, fresh cheese, delicious veggies . . . i tried to take a picture for my blog (i am now one of those people, i am afraid), but it turned out a little dark. (the waiter asked if we wanted our picture taken with the pizza, and i said no. i think he thought we were tourists; i thought it might have been worse to say "i'm no tourist, i'm a blogger!" and refrained.) the place has crazy atmosphere, and little space to move around, but the food is worth it. i loved it; there were families, and hip young things, and slow old things, and it felt like a neighborhood joint that gets known, but still welcomes the whole neighborhood. which i guess is a new york thing.

we finished up the afternoon with gelato (mk said: "it sounds like you went to rome!") which is pictured in glorious technicolor above. mouthwatering andean blackberry, in all its pinky glory. i stayed in last night, as i was fighting a cold, and worked a long-ish day today. and now i am home, am fed and watered, and am looking forward to a little 30 rock on the big screen. it doesn't get much better.

i don't use words like delurk

i hear that today or yesterday or this week or always is a great time to comment and tell me who you are and if you read this blog and why you love it or hate and somehow keep coming back for more.

and because a prompt always worked in high school english class and seems to work here (because i myself have already de-whatevered), here you go:

who are you? and what is your most favorite city in the world?

magical night

i had the kind of night that i could only ever have had in new york. my organization had their grand re-opening on tuesday night (read about it here!) it was the grandest event i have ever attended. we dressed up after work, all of us ladies doing our make-up at our desks, borrowing shoes and hairbrushes (like being back in the sorority house) and headed downstairs. there was a red carpet, and reporters and photographers from the times (clearly), and champagne and cubed seared beef and miniature latkes. the center looks absolutely gorgeous, with new channel glass and red walls and two floors for mingling. the concert was fantastic, with wonderful performances from the friends of the center, esther heideman the soprano sang brightly and clearly, and "face the music," the sms group that plays contemporary music, performed a new reworking of an award-winning contemporary piece. there were adults and children of all ages and neighborhoods. the company, the libations, the performances were all perfect. all in all, i felt so proud to be a part of the experience and boy, did i feel fancy. now i can't wait for the gala.

happy new year!

i knew i was home on saturday night. the city was cold, and i passed people of every size, shape and color, and the buildings twinkled like the stars. cab fare was donated to me, and my very heavy suitcase was happy to get loaded into a trunk and driven home across the brooklyn bridge, which looks like it is held up by fairies.

my cab driver asked me what i did, and i said i worked for a community arts program, that i had degrees in theatre and art history, that i miss acting but i like a life of stability. he then proceeded to tell me that he used to be an actor, that he stage political works and hosted benefits back home in bangladesh. this was an extra-curricular, because during the day he was a general manager for pfizer. he was also a photographer, and had had a few shows back home. (a nice life, right?) then when his daughter was four years old she lost consciousness, and spent a week in the hospital. she is now brain-damaged, and they moved to the u.s. thirteen years ago to get her better medical attention. he and his wife and his son live here, and he drives a cab. and still organizes benefits to help human rights groups and natural disaster relief campaigns back home. i hope i have that much fortitude someday.

new hampshire was lovely, tranquil and snowy and full of family, food and games upon games upon games. i like the extended s family very much, and i think they've taken a shine to me too. (all of his little cousins are convinced that we are going to get married. and very giggly about it.) also, they are all adorable. s's brother sent little o down to see how long dinner would be. he came back and said "5 or 10 minutes." "oh, good" d said. "i don't know which one," o said. "five or ten, i don't know which one!" i love babies.

i went back to work today, trudging through the coldest winds, sitting on a belated f train for 40 minutes, bracing myself against the fire alarm that was tested every five minutes for three hours at work. and still i am glad to be back. i missed new york, i missed the walk up broadway from columbus circle, i missed my neighborhood and my cold little bedroom (now with bed frame, hallelujah!), i missed drinks out with mk and coming home to the roommates and their jokes and videogames. i am carving out a life for myself here, making it work one day at a time, and i am loving it all along the way.